Album Diaries | Found Me
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Found Me”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Los Angeles & South Dakota 2021
Cowrite with Nancy Gonseth
Topic: When a friend finds you
I cowrote this with a dear friend, Nancy Gonseth, whom I met within my music tribe, Catch the Moom, 6FS. The biggest takeaway has been the community and the cowrites, and the inevitable connections after that. She and I wanted to write a song that explained how special it was to have the mentor we did. Michael Averill was incredibly present and sensitive to our needs, and the needs of our songs as well.
Walls soft
Come in
Door wide open
Where we like to be
Right here
You and me
It’s weird
Shy normally
Do I know I’m safe
Giving love away
Pulled to where you are
Pouring light on my scars
You found me
Hidden in my heart
There are special poeple in this world who have the gift of allowing you to be seen. You feel safe in their warmth and light. In all your shortcomings and insecurities, they appreciate you for you. When you try and fail, they are there. They don’t judge, they don’t make you feel less than, they let you be wherever you are. And in many cases when these wonderful people have entered my life I was at my lowest, weakest, and most vulnerable. Now that I have these kinds of people in my life, it’s pretty easy for me to throw up boundaries for the kind of people who would not appreciate my tenderness and heart. I hope you do that as well. There are people in this world who will see more of your light than you will, those are the people you need to be with. Don’t keep trying to convince or fit in with people unplug the drain every time their around.
A road from low to high
Good laughs and good cries
Soul open and so bare
Rushed to me
You were right there
It’s weird
I’m usually scared
Do I know I’m safe
Giving love away
Pulled to where you are
Pouring light on my scars
You found me
Hidden in my heart
Oh the gems
How you made ‘em glow
Remind me of what I know
New chamber in my heart
Evolving work of art
Written by Rachel Adell and Nancy Gonseth
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Okay
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
This song was inspired from the day I fainted at the hospital, and woke up with an oxygen mask on my face. The nurse was petting my head and saying over and over, “It’s going to be okay.” I hung onto every syllable of every word of that repeated sentence until it brought me back to consciousness. That statement was so grounding, comforting, and hopeful to me. Sometimes we need a reminder that a horrible moment is not going to last forever. Knowing relief is on the way can be exactly what we need to keep holding on. To this day, I use this mantra to ground myself.
Blurry mind
Empty shell
Some days
Turn into hell
Eyes hazy
Someone there
Whispered softly
Through my hair
It’s gonna be okay
It’s gonna be okay
I know it doesn’t seem like it now
But give it time to settle down
It’s gonna be okay
Medicate
and they radiate
Wrote down the words
I wanted to say
Didn’t know if I
Would live or die
Something said
To me inside
You’re gonna be okay
Watch news
Spread fear
Make storms
Every year
But that old machine
It won’t destroy
Cause love is louder
Than the noise
We’re gonna be okay
Written and performed by Rachel Adell
Harmonies by Georgina Sayer, fellow cancer survivor
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Who Loves You
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Who Loves You”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Los Angeles 2019
Topic: Reminding a childhood friend you will always love them
When we were young and chewing gum
Try to blow bubbles with bubble yum
Didn’t know we’d grow up and be terrified
Of all the ways we failed and tried
As we get older, the weight we carry gets real. Less able to hold as much as we thought we once could. Every day, seems like one traumatic even after another. Our poor hearts. Those heavy, excruciating and isolating things come for us all.
How do you manage the pain, keep doing life, find the words and make time for them, AND find the right person to talk to? Who has the mental capacity to handle their own drama, let alone mine. Sound familiar? Most of us default to recluse mode, rather than create burden for others. But we are not burdens, we give a gift when we offer our trust and vulnerability. We create connection that cannot be created in any other way.
There is a loneliness pandemic. It’s easy to forget how to connect in an authentic way. An entire generation being raised without the freedom and normalcy of eye contact. Casual hang outs can feel arduous, and at times frivolous. Sometimes it’s hard to calculate the benefit of in person activities. That is, until you bite the bullet and just give it a fighting chance. It’s usually always, always, always worth it.
Life can be a dull knife in the heart
A stab right into the ground
It’ll crush and shake you silently
Screaming inside without a sound
Whenever an old friend is on my mind, I try to reach out to them at that moment. Every single time I do, they have been going through something real, and needed an ear or a lift. So, this song is on the album and was written to remind us all to call our friends. Remind that we are theirs forever. No matter what happens in their life, there is no judgement, no competition, no need for lonliness. This life is tough, and letting your friends know that you are still there and you still care is everything.
If nobody loves you
You know that’s not true
In the cold heart of winter
It’s me, who loves you
Written and Performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | You Have It
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “You Have It”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Los Angeles 2020
Topic: You have what it takes within
Brave the weather
Far from home
You come untethered
Like a poem
Rise and fall
Pull and sway
Not lost at all
Feel it beat so heavily
Tension and revelry
Holding space
You gotta breathe
I wrote this song initially in Los Angeles while living through the pandemic, but I was thinking back to when we lived in Montreal. I was experiencing serious postpartum depression in the middle of those 7 month Montreal winters-ehhh. I had intruding thoughts of ending it all. So hard to speak up about these things because you don’t want to be too heavy for anyone, but what I have found from my own experience of speaking up or wishing other people felt safe to speak up, is that it’s always always worth it. All people want is to be there for you. They feel honored you chose them to trust your heart with.
Digging low
Crawling slow
Motion spinning
Storms collide
Instincts alive
You have it in you
Alive and waiting
Hurricane swelling in your bones
Hear what you’re saying
While they throw all their diamond stones
Jump and bolt
Somewhere out there, no hat, no coat
Barefoot prints out in the snow
Naked and so vulnerable
Holding to hope
As the universe unfolds
There is a strong hopeful child inside of you who doesn’t want you to give up. There is always a way forward. Nothing lasts forever.
Some days it may seem freaking beyond possible, but hang on, that relief you’re seeking is just around the corner.
Keep breathing. Tell a trusted friend. Take a break just for you. Align your expectations. Allow yourself to let go. Keep breathing. One deep breath at a time. Ask the universe to help you. You are connected. You are capable. You have so much to look forward to. This will not last forever. You’re going to be okay. Another deep breath. You are going to be okay. You are going to be okay. You are going to be okay.
Standing there
In the falling snow
Head spinning
Storms inside
Your soul’s alive
You have it in you
Written by Rachel Adell and Craig Sayer
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Beautiful
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
You slow down and see
We moved to Australia right after I had been diagnosed with cancer. The kids were little. Ten and six. Going through chemo and radiation, losing my hair, giving myself shots in the stomach, and trying not to throw up after every meal, was a bit intense. Talk about your world being flipped on its back. If you haven’t been through something massively life threatening before, I’ll give you the spoiler; it’s family. The people closest to you that become your treasures. Everything else falls to the wayside.
Sun fallin on the floor
Sitting here with me
What do I love more than
Smiling missin’ teeth
Singin’ in my nightgown
A white bird flies by
Her hair is messy
Two clouds in the sky
I wrote this song on a Saturday morning surrounded in my adorable family. I wrote what I saw. Cutest little girl singing with me, her glorious messy hair. Both of us in our night gowns just appreciating the morning sun, the clear sky, and the occasional seagull flying past the window. Stephen making breakfast, Sam dreamily staring into space on the couch. Love them all so much. I became very aware that they were my forever, my everything. My dreams had come true. The little family I had always dreamed of was right there with me.
He’s making breakfast
Pancakes in a pan
Day dreams in a t shirt
Love to watch him stand
My boy is staring into space
No eyes quite like that
Power in his thoughtful gaze
Holding the minutes
Falling through my hands
[They are my] forever and
Everything I have
Written and performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Dreaming
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Dreaming and Dreaming”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Nashville 2013
Topic: The story of my childhood
This song is a birds eye view of my life span from birth until now.
Saturday morning she came into the world
Right at sunrise this small town girl
In a trailer born near the train tracks
He was yelling she turned her back
I was born during sunrise on Saturday, at home in a trailer in the Wallowa, Oregon mountains. My five year old sister was watching Saturday morning cartoons as mom screamed from the back room. My dad wanted to name me sunrise, but my mom said, “no hippie names,” and she named me Rachel from a bible. Their relationship struggled and my mom left him for the only Dad I knew until I was nineteen years old.
They moved away with another man
He made them his own then he held their hands
Way too perfect standing there in a row
The worst was coming but they didn’t yet know
My step Dad, whom I thought was my real dad, took us under his wing. The amount of photos of me sitting in his lap or falling asleep on his chest, are not few. To say I was a Daddy’s girl was an understatement. I remember nothing but adoring him and longing for his affection. Things were hard, but they were only about to get worse.
It all ended one early morning
Crushing pain holding tight to the dream
Connection drifting night and day
Internal supernova, blown away
3 things I found out in one day that changed me forever
My dad was moving out
He wasn’t my real dad
He was taking my little sister with him
So many layers for a seven year old to unpack here. I’m a grown adult , and I’m still sorting it out. The truth is, life is complicated and messy, and our parents are real people. As kids we see them as these perfect super heroes, and so when we feel let down, we think the world has ended. In reality, it has not ended, and there is plenty of your beautiful life to live. There are ways to process and heal from these things, and we can forgive and we can move on, and live out the dreams of our heart. We may have to do it on our terms and a little bit alone at first, but with time we can find the life that has been alive within us from the very beginning.
Seeing truth, when you were blind
Finally seeing reason and rhyme
Going inward finding light
Always here alive, divine
I never believed in God. My mom raised me with the freedom to follow my own heart. She taught me to trust my gut, to find truth for myself. There is no better gift to bestow upon a child, to trust in their own ability to discern. That was the number one benefit of her approach as a mother.
Learning to dive inward and trust your own dreams and imagination is a powerful thing for a person to learn early on. Because believe it or not, everything you have in life now, you first imagined. Often times we feel we need to control the process and outcome when leading a small person along. But common sense tells us that most humans, if given the trust, connection, and freedom they deserve, will arrive at their own beautiful conclusions. There is no need for the mind control that so many try to bestow within and without spiritual settings. True spirituality is a freedom filled power that resides individually within each one of us. Many have been taught not to believe in that, to not trust that, that dreaming and praying is a pathetic pathway to disappointment. Or on the other end of the spectrum, the only way to fix your life. However, after dreaming, asking, imagining, we must study out the actions that will lead us in the right direction. The universe and God will handle the rest.
I dreamt of my future family, my future life, my future partner. I dreamt of how I wanted it to be, how I wanted it to look. Then I put it in the hands of God and the universe to unfold whatever may come from those imaginations. To this day, so many of my dreams have come true. In small detailed ways I never uttered out loud, and in ways much much bigger than I had in mind. Expressing gratitude is all I really have room for these days. Whatever might be hard in my life, some days I can hardly comprehend that it was my belief is what got me here.
I’m so freaking grateful.
Best bet? Trust yourself. Trust your dreams. Trust God and the universe to listen and respond. Even if it’s in a way or on a timeline you weren’t expecting.
Dreaming and Dreaming, Dreaming, Dreaming
Written and performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Alive
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Life delivers storms, beauty, and when we’re lucky, rest. If you run and try to avoid the storms, you will rarely catch your breath long enough to enjoy the moments of rest. I want to learn to sit with them, absorb their warmth, so I can carry on with strength through the next storm.
I had a near death experience accompany all three of my children coming to this worl. Welcoming new life in a state of fresh remembrance that life is fragile is daunting, to say the least. I always framed it as a positive, but I realize that I’m fairly traumatized by it all. Somehow all the difficulties melt away when they wrap their little fingers around yours, or when they fall asleep with their head on your chest.
My kids were very hard to come by. We had a lot of excruciating wait times and tragedies in between. The kids I have, well, they are my miracles. I can hardly believe I have them some days. If you are a woman who has always longed for this, my heart aches for you. My hope is that because it’s so important to you, you will get to experience it in the next life, or you will be granted many opportunities to mother and help mother other children in this life.
Saw you open your eyes
The day I almost died
You let out a cry
As I watched you come alive
You’re alive
Baby, you’re alive
You had to hide
Deep down inside
Now you breath and feel
Cold and warm and real
Night disappears
Hope reappears
Adjusting your eyes
You’re own sunrise
Baby #1) With the first birth of my child, it was a month before his due date, I accidentally drank something that should have put me into cardiac arrest. I was in the emergency room faced with the fact that I could lose my life in minutes or by that evening. Our hands and eyes were locked as we tried to muster the faith. Luckily, I thoughtlessly made myself throw up right after drinking it (the bottle said not to)…but the doctor feels sure that’s what saved my life. I met my baby four weeks later.
Baby #2) Three days after the birth of my daughter, I started to hemorrhage. The doctor said I would lose my life or need to have an emergency hysterectomy within hours if a med she prescribed didn’t work. My gosh, this was a familiar feeling. The medication didn’t work, and I kept bleeding. We had a spiritual experience and a blessing an hour later. The bleeding immediately slowed to a safe level.
Your heavy crown
Weighing you down
Straight lines
Confine the mind
With your guard down
Freedom profound
Realize
You’re alive
Baby #3) The pregnancy with my third was my easiest, I had never felt so strong and healthy. Because I was older, the medical staff took several “precautions” that ended up interfering with the natural birth process, and to be frank, nearly killed me. At one point during labor, after an injection to the chest, I woke up to alarms, an oxygen mask, and my bed upside down. My husband’s face as pale as ever, which told me everything I needed to know. Took me a year to even retell the story of that horrible night. My husband almost lost me again.
(And this was after I had survived cancer)
Child #4) Our fourth child, whom we fostered from age ten to thirteen, passed away three years after leaving our home. This poor kid. He tried so hard with all his challenges and endured so much. After his time with us, he really wanted to return home living near his family and visiting often was all he every wanted, and cried for at least weekly when he was with us. How sad to have lost his life when he was on such a good trajectory, seemingly happy, and doing so well. This is a tragedy I will never heal from, and will forever be traumatized by. If this has happened to you, I am completely open to how you have been able to move forward. What an unexplainable bomb in the chest.
One thing I have learned through this heartache is that life is precious, life is fleeting. You never know what’s going to happen next. Sweating the small stuff is not something you’ll applaud yourself for on your death bed. The people who are alive and in your life right now? Let them know how important they are to you. Bask in their presence, appreciate their laugh and record their voice.
Then look in the mirror, and remember, that you’re alive too. Sometimes it feels ‘off’ to be grateful to be alive when so many have lost their lives. Is it insensitive to try and be happy? At first it might feel that way, but one day you realize that your misery is not going to do them any favors. It most certainly won’t bring them back. It’s probably not doing you, or the people depending on you any favors either. We have very little control in this life. You don’t have to understand why they had to go, and you don’t have to continue to carry the responsibility. All we can do is take the time we do have, and lift each other up.
Pick up your feet
Shed what’s heavy
Wave goodbye
You let it fly
Praying to thank
That you are here today
This is real
You’re alive
Written and Performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Where We Go
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Where We Go”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Spanish Fork 2011 originally titled “Wind and a Cloud”
Topic: The balance, flow, and adventure within a relationship
You are the wind outside my window
Wanna be close to you
Look at me now, I am a cloud
Open up and let me out
Some of you who have been following my music over the years will know this song as “Wind and a Cloud” as it is a love song about the ever dynamic relationship between (surprise) the wind and a cloud. It dawned on me years after writing it that the inspiration was three fold. I got the idea when we lived in a particularly windy canyon which had 70mph winds on a pretty frequent basis. The clouds seemed to love it, and always looked so playful to me. Then it occurred to me that Stephen and I were a lot like these elements. We have a lot of fun taking turns and switching back and forth between being the wind and the cloud.
All you have is what I don’t
All you lack is what I know
Driving the balance and the flow
We ride the high and lows
“Driving the balance and the flow”
When you lean into partnership this way, you can paint a rather beautiful tapestry of memories.
The second part of the inspiration I never realized until later is from a Russian song we sang in choir that is etched so deeply on my heart. Quite possibly the most powerful song we ever sang back then. And it was about a cliff and a cloud, and it moved me to tears every time. So powerful. Notcha vola touchka. Some things just stay in there and rearrange within you as you grow and experience life and come out in different, but similar ways.
The third thing that dawned on me as I put an old St Pepper’s record, the hole in the attic??? Like hello, “fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering” is a similar concept to me floating out the window and turning into a cloud to go have some fun with the wind. Pretty cool. I am happy to be influenced by these pieces, even if unknowingly.
We go where we go
Songs may seem like they come from one place, but often times it’s a life time of experiences that make up one concept or musical statement. I love leaning into the exhilaration of growth and change. To keep on living being moved by art and music and experience is a beautiful blessing, one I hope I never take for granted.
Things are hard, higher we climb
Sun creates a silver line
Spinning and twisting into change
Travel between night and day
Written and Performed by Rachel Adell
Strings by Justina McHale
Produced by Craig Sayer