Defining Yourself

Is it your demographic, how you fit into society, your neighbourhood, your shape, your size, your gender, your age, your interests? Your line of work, your hobbies, the size of your family, whether or not you have a family, your experiences, your posessions. How do we define ourselves? How should we define ourselves? Is it D, all of the above?

Sometimes, we even allow the opinions of others shape our identity. That feels like a really slippery place to stand. Especialy when concerning something as eternally important as our actual self. Opinions come with the wind or shift in the tide. Be it dust or boulders, you could be blinded, or worse, crushed by the passing of someone’s changing opinion.

But what if you took your huge imaginary arm and shoved that all to the side and let it fall off the end of the earth. Let it crash and crack in the dark abyss of goodbye forever?

Here’s the thing; your identity, while multifaceted, is a lot more simple than all that.

Your identity is: the you in you.

Before you were breathing you were you. As humans we have these heavy and complex bodies that go through physical, mental, and emotional experiences.

Before that, we were essence. An essence that has always existed. A type of knowing, that is personal, multifaceted, and a different shade of knowledge depending on how you were moving against the light.

How we fit into the world. How we learn to connect and communicate is the closest thing to our essence. Spilling out in our actions, what we decide to do with our day, and our life with our own free will, what spaces we reside in, the people we allow into our space, and the voices we invite into our minds. These are all clues to your most original essence.

The trick is to be here with one another, giving and accepting influence carefully, delicately, and thoughtfully. All the while maintaining and editing out the things that might be irrelevant or a heavy burden to who our real selves are.

I believe there are plenty of lovely influences out there. On the other hand, there are plenty of negative and unfortunately negative influences out there. In order to make sure we do not stray too far from ourselves, we need to be aware of the purpose and place of these influences. Do they have something to gain? Is it common and systemic? Is it repetitive? Does it make you feel small as opposed to accountable?

You already possess the power to be intune realest part of you. If you’ve been having trouble identifying and settling into your soul, start by peeling back layers, discard anything that feels insincere or forced. For example, pain is not part of your original essence. It is merely an unprocessed experience that confronted your body, mind, and spirit. Pain is a temporary visitor or teacher. You do not need pain to stay and be a part of your identity. Though tempting, because it emulates the feeling of safety, it might be one of the most dangerous qualities to keep as a close companion. Instead, identify it, decide what it means to you, let it teach you something (if it has something to teach), then let it go about its way.

Fear and pride will keep you quite distant from your truest self as well. Take a moment. Recognize them, honor them for the purpose they once thought they had for you. They may continue to show up at your doorstep, recognize them for what they are, put their fliers in the recycling. They are of no use to your true identity. Allowing those fliers to pile up in the corner of your mind, will subtly increase their power and influence over you. Things accepted and ignored, grow unruly in the dark. When fear and pride are put in the light, they are more easily diminished. Stay aware, daily maintenance is the happiest approach.

Breathe into the space that’s you. Notice how familiar and safe that feels.

When you have trouble remembering, it helps to look at the stars alone. You’ll start remembering. Not with perfect clarity at first, but with satisfying glimpses. Each time you come back to that calm and enormous feeling, it will grow. As you lean into that lush and glorious feeling, before you know it, you’ll be embodying your essence. Words won’t be necessary. Your life will begin to reflect your truest self. Live in that, stay strong, free, and protect yourself.

-Rachel Adell

Midjourney AI image by Rachel Adell