Album Diaries | Everything

Song: “Everything”

Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023

Written: Los Angeles 2011 , orginal title “You Had to Go”

Topic: Grieving a loved one, namely a parent

This song was inspired by the death of mother in law’s mother. Their relationship was so tender and sweet, and touched me deeply. It was originally titled “You Had to Go” but I wanted to focus more on the love and admiration, not only the loss. The loss is the inspiration for the song, and hopefully creates a space to do some of your own grieiving if you have also lost someone close to you. There is a sweetness is allowing ourselves to truly feel the pain, so we can find some reverance and quiet on the other side.

Only a couple years before Ruthie passed away she told me that she held her daughter and hugged her the whole night during a particularly rough chapter. That image holds space in my heart every time I play or sing this song. Thank goodness for the people who are willing to sit with us and rock us when we need it most.

Always had you before

I don’t have you anymore

All my memories are perfect and right

You held me and rocked me throughout the night

I still remember

Your smile and frown

I’m sorry for the times I let you down

I’ll always love you 

You’ll always love me

But I’ll be good for you, wait and see

Recently my mother went through cancer, and then was given the news that the chemo and radiation would not be able to get rid of it all, and she would need to get transfusions for the rest of her life. The other part is that we don’t know how long she has to live as it is such a rare cancer. Losing my mom seems unfathomable, I hope we have lots more time with her. Our mothers become this symbol and figure that is impossible to replace. For those of you who have already lost your mothers, my heart goes out to you. It has got to be the most challenging loss, most especially if you were young, oh my gosh. All the blessings to your wonderful heart, I hope this song finds a safe home with you.

You had to go 

Yes I know

You were everything, everything, everything

You were everything, everything, everything

You were everything 

Gotta be strong

Time to move on

Don’t want to go home 

Without you there

I know you’re not gone

That feeling is wrong

I’m gonna hang on

Till I see you again

You were everything to me

Written and performed by Rachel Adell

Produced by Craig Sayer

Album Diaries | Hold On

Song: “Hold On”

Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023

Written: Spanish Fork 2012

Topic: Looking for light during the darkest hours

The inspiration for this came during my separation from Stephen during our twelfth year of marriage. It was such a hard time, and I remember trembling each and every day for four months. Learning to state my needs, let alone stand up for them in a way that affected everyone around me, most especially my children, was an enormous part of me coming into my own. 

Over the last decade since I wrote this song, we have been though so many difficult things together. This is a song that I wrote during a hard moment without recognizing how many future moments it would get me through. I hope it gets you through some of yours. This song definitely fits the reoccurring theme throughout this album is that the storm will end and the sun will rise again. Hold on Rachel, relief is around the corner.

The tunnel is long, full of the unknown

There is no light, can’t find my way home

Crumbling I melt, losing all sense of self

So lost and blind, folding all inside my mind

I only see red, inside of my miserable head

I wanna be free, why’s it so out of reach

Hold on, Again

Glimmering light interrupts, 

I don’t wanna give up

Where’s that compass come from, 

Big mystery from above

Though I’m lost at night, 

Gonna keep lookin’ for light

Hold on 

Lookin’ for light

Hold on

Hold on

Lookin’ for light

Hold on 

Keep lookin’ for light

Written and performed by Rachel Adell

Produced by Craig Sayer