Saturday Sunrise | The Album

My new album, Saturday Sunrise, is finally born after a decade of challenges and miracles.

“Hold to hope, as the universe unfolds”

Named after the day I was born, which consequently happened in a trailer during the sunrise and Saturday morning cartoons. The perfect welcome party if you ask me. My older sister was in the next room for the whole event. Though miraculous in nature, I can’t help but imagine how inconvenient it must have felt to have your Looney Tunes interrupted by an actual live birth. I don’t mean to laugh.

“Dreaming and Dreaming” is about our family life breaking up. We all go through something, these foundation shaking life events, and they rock our worlds. Just as my little girl arms clung around my Dad’s waist wishing our family could stay together, we all cling to hope and a dream. And if we keep hoping and holding on to hope, I still believe our dreams will eventually be realized. My childhood family never got back together, like I had always obsessively hoped while watching Parent Trap on repeat as a kid. But my dream did come true when my own little family was realized. I wrote “Isn’t it Beautiful” on a Saturday morning (oddly enough) in them middle of the cancer chapter. That song wrote itself as I looked around the room and merely stated the miracle of the moment. I wanted to slow down and freeze time. These precious little people during that sweet, calm moment are now galvanized in that song.

When I released Unpainting Roses back in 2011, my kids were wee babes. We lived in Santa Monica, Los Angeles, California, though I recorded at my producers house in Compton. Yes, little white girl with an acoustic guitar stepping out of her Prius got some pretty unbelievable 2am stares. But what can you do but dorkily smile and wave? Streaming music wasn’t a thing yet, people were still buying CDs and only starting to buy tracks from itunes. Just as the new format of music was trying to find itself, I was as well. That album was a journal that worked towards first admitting there was a facade, and then second, that the facade had to come down. The process was abstract, collosel, crazy honest, and hello painful. Honest lyrics set to upbeat tunes could not have represented me in a more concise way. This album was a big step towards standing in the sunlight of my own discomfort, I tell you what. The sound would cause confusion, questions, and discomfort. Mission accomplished. Now you know how I have felt every minute of my days. It’s a dissonance I was prepared to live with, and still live with to this day. However, the experience has helped me become more familiar with the benefits of discomfort. Growth is never born out of cupcakes and feather pillows. Stepping out of old skin is cold, and leaves you raw.

“Bursting bubbles all were popping”

One month later an entirely new album fell out, Saturday Sunrise. (Though ofcourse the name switched from Butterfly Catcher to Warrior to 1978 Sunrise to Saturday Sunrise as it morphed into exactly what it wanted to become). Throughout the following years trying to release, I experienced innumerable trials. Walking through more unbelievable life stories which turned into songs that became apart of this album, and our family life. Songs like, “Hold On” and “Everything” helped heal us along the way. Not being able to release this to the world for this long, though painful, might have been entirely necessary. Sitting with work and allowing it to prove itself through the test of time was an unparalled experience. I don’t recommened it, per se, but if that’s how it had to be this time, I am feeling the value. Five songs have remained from the original album, five new ones from the Covid 19 pandemic found a home with them as well. Two halves of myself comforting and cheering on the other.

As a creator and dreamer, things can get quite lonely. Where my lonely creators at? I was surrounded in people who didn’t understand me, and therefore didn’t know how to support me. To be honest, I didn’t know how to tell them to support me. When covid hit and everything went online, I stumbled upon my tribe. My music and creative life have not been the same since. The comrodery, the collaborations, the inspiration, the sensitivity, and depth of these souls. I barely know how to take it all in. Now that we are out and about, I’ve been able to meet many of these people in person. Look them in the eyes and feel their power and passion. There is something about songwriters and idependent musicicans. They’re self-fueled, they’re not playing by the rules, they’re following their heart, and most likely doing it all while going broke. Even if their work is just a drop in the bucket, they are fulfilled. Even if they only get one comment in ten years that says their music saved someone’s life, improved their day, or changed their perspective, that is enough manna to keep going for several more years of music. I have learned and gained so much from these gorgeous artists. See what you can do about getting yourself a tribe, because I’m telling you. Wow.

Bathroom Concert Series, Los Angeles, 2019

As a random impulse I started The Bathroom Concert series right before the pandemic hit. Guess what’s fun? The first song I wrote for bathroom concert series made the album cut! Haha! “Who Loves You” was a song that wrote itself a day before Valentine’s Day. I had all my dear friends in mind. Some of them were hurting on Valentines’s day and I wanted them to know that they always have someone who loves them. “It’s me, who loves you.” That holiday can really hurt for some people who have lost their loved ones, or who are still looking for their loved ones. Holidays mean well, but when you have been through it, they can be really triggering too.

When and where the SONGS WERE BORN…

1) Where We Go, Spanish Fork, 2012 (Wind and a Cloud)

2) Dreaming and Dreaming, Nashville, 2013 and BC, 2016 (Sunrise)

3) Isn’t It Beautiful, Australia, 2014 ~cancer days (Saturdays)

4) Hold On, Spanish Fork, 2011

5) You Have It, Los Angeles, 2020

6) Everything, Santa Monica 2011 (You Had to Go)

7) Who Loves You, Los Angeles, 2019 (bathroom concert series)

8) Okay, London, 2022

9) Found Me, Los Angeles 2021

10) Alive, London 2022

Craig Sayer | musiscian, composer, producer

Then Craig Sayer entered the picture and boosted the magic to new heights. In addition to my own composition, I gave him a rough idea of my references for particular songs here and there, Radiohead, London Grammar, Aurora, Pink Floyd, Pearl Jam, and even a song from Raising Sand, Robert Plant and Allison Krauses’ album (that coincidentally shares the same mastering company as my first album, Lurssen Mastering). Craig’s musicality and instincts run deep. Most every time he sent me back his interpretation of my compositions, tears welled up. What a blessing to find someone who just gets it. The loud rumbling of the drums, bass, and gritty guitars coupled with the expressionate string and piano moments? My vocals could easily rest on a familiar bed of sounds that had been rolling around in my head for years. So much honor and gratitude to have had the opportunity to work with Craig. He was patient, professional, and flexible when I experienced inevitable emotional lows and highs throughout the creation of this project. He stuck with me, and for that I am grateful.

After sitting back and taking a look at this body of work from a birds eye view, I realize this abum really is about hope. That divine spark that keeps you getting out of a bed and leaning into your dreams. “Hold to hope, as the universe unfolds,” is a lyric from “You Have It”. And I realized, that’s it. That’s what this album is about, and that’s the message that has always been trying to reveal itself from the beginning. I feel like an excited little kid that this project is done and ready to be yours! That something real, comforting, and long lasting came from unbelievable pain and uncertaintly. Rachel, do not give up, you will grow, you will learn, you will gain wisdom through this. Something beautiful will come out of it, do not lose hope, keep going! Face your storms, then run into them. Get through them quickly, so you can enjoy the calm, watered meadow on the other side.

Australia 2014

Starting during the covid chapter and throughout the making of this album, I have spent my time learning production. There is nothing quite as satisfying as creating and composing sounds that you have in your head, without needing to explain them with inadequte language. You can hope to find someone like Craig to understand and listen (rare) but when you just need to get the music out, there is something incredibly magical about being able to create the sounds yourself. My next, next album is already sketched, now I just need to fill in with my dream musicans and we’ll be golden! If you are an independent musician, I highly recommend you learn how to create music within Logic, ProTools, or Ableton. Kris Bradley is a good resource for anyone looking into a straight forward way to learn production. No more taking direction or guidance for “how it’s done” and “how you should sound.” How ‘bout you decide yourself, yeah? It’s not as complicated as they make it sound, promise.

Over the last few years I’ve put my music in front of panelists in the music industry, ready to have it torn to shreds. Putting your vulnerability on the line for professional feedback in front of peers is a terrifying experience. Geesh. Much to my surprise, the feedback was amazing. (I mean, only 1 out of 10 didn’t get it). Not what I expected at all. When I presented my split personality within the music scene, that was especially scary. Yes, because it’s not always fun to admit that you are kind of two people, because also because the industry’s main preach is to “stay in your lane.” I mean, my lane is a two headed monster. These heads being compared to the likes of darker Norah Jones with a darkness on one side, and Cherry Bomb Runaways on the other. What’s a girl to do? Choose one and cut off the other? Not to be rebellious, but I couldn’t do it. So I stayed me, both of me. And how incredibly shocking when they loved it?! “Oddly enough, this works!” and “Keep after the unique instrument combinations in your rock sets,” and “You are very talented, I want to work you,” while handing me their card?! Ugh! *faint* Has taken me many moons to process. Have I fully processed?

After Saturday Sunrise, which is more on the dreamy chill side, you can expect the other side to rear it’s head. Female empowerment all the way, Mama. So many projects are bottlenecked, and now that I’m here, the flood gates are finally about to swing open. Weeeeeeeeee!

Because I know you’re always wondering, and because now I know how to show people what we musicians need…

HERE ARE THE BEST WAYS FANS CAN SUPPORT INDIE ARTISTS:

1) Get a Spotify account

2) Follow, Like, Subscribe, Share, Stream

3) Comment and engage on their social media posts

4) Subscribe to their emails

5) Buy their merch

6) Ask how to drop a tip

7) When you do share, add how it made you felt, what your favorite song was, what lyric made you feel validated

8) Tell the artist they made an impact on you, this is the entire reason they do what they do

Rachel Adell on Spotify

Stay tuned for the back stories and development of each song. From Santa Monica to Spanish Fork to Nashville to Australia to British Columbia to Montreal to India to Los Angeles to London. Near death experiences, cancer, having another baby, a pandemic, and an additional tragedy all creating a breeding ground for art forming and growing out of tremendous fear and pain.

I hope this abum provides you a place to sit , a place to feel, a place to be. A moment to remember all you’ve endured and survived. A place to be strengthened by the fact that you have what it takes to handle and conquer your storms. The sun will rise again.

Love,

Rachel

What You Don’t See

“Blindfold” | photo by Jackie Leishman

This is the most important post from the cancer blog I kept in 2014, while I was receiving cancer treatments in Australia. If you, or anyone you know, is going through cancer, please feel free to share. I hope my experience offers some comfort and validation to those navigating the intestity of a cancer diagnosis. Dedicating this to the friends who are undergoing treatment or who have recently recieved the frightening news.

~some updates and edits were made from the original

……..

I don’t share everything. On facebook. On instagram. Not even on this blog. I do share a lot, but it's important for me to disconnect and remind myself what my life was like before we were all instantly connected. And don’t get me wrong, I’m a major fan of facebook and most social media because I love keeping up with my friends and family. BUT, I also believe in standing right here and using all of my senses to be present. 

I realized I was falling victim to the habit of grabbing my phone when I couldn’t sleep at night. Or pulling out the laptop and watching something with the hubby instead of catching up and actually looking at his face. So, I moved everything out to the living room. When I go to bed, my phone and laptop go to their bed too. No working, no writing, no connecting, no fall back distractions. Remember what that was like? Pretty much fantastic. Alive, real, organic, present, here, now, eyes, laughing, telling jokes and talking until we fell asleep all diagnol-like on the bed. THE best. 

The other reason I don't share everything all the time is that it's hard for me to relive my misery with others. Most especially when I’m going through it. It feels multiplied somehow. I tend to update people after things have happened and I've had a chance to catch my breath and get over it. (I must insert here that I don’t think it's bad to be able to talk about misery publicly while you're in it. In fact, it’s bold, brave and selfless. There be can so much benefit to you and others if this method works for you). But for me, when hardships hit, I need to focus. It takes everything I have to get through it. All day praying, and holding my husband. Not just his hand. Picture a koala bear. 

When you hear from me, it means I’m coming up for a breath of air between treatments. So far, I’ve been able to keep a fairly positive perspective, but I owe so much of that to the most incredible companion, plus tons of prayer. Not to mention awesome children, extended family, and world-class caring, wise empathetic friends. My people. (Have I ever mentioned this? Maybe once or eighty times). I’m sure people can find joy and positivity without these things, but I tell you what, they are everything for me.

What’s happening when I am seemingly quiet? 

You mean those times when I find myself having a panic attack walking down a corridor away from yelling medical personnel? Only to find myself collapsed with an oxygen mask over my face unable to find answers to simple questions like, “Where are you?" Or, day after day staring straight ahead for hours on end because it’s all I can do to keep myself from throwing up. The beautiful but inescapably depressing room where I sit with much older men and women, while the chemo is administered. The pain and stabbing in my chest from the pressure and pulling from this alien port trapped in my chest. The unsightly scars on the thinnest skin of my body that will be there as a reminder for the rest of my life. The random, sharp, long lasting pains that have put me in the emergency room more times than I care to count. The soreness in my mouth that seems to flare up on the weeks I am finally feeling well enough to eat. The off and on painful swelling of my tummy that makes it hard to button jeans, and so on. Having a bald head is nothing compared to the weight of everything else. Taking notice of little happy things, or finding tiny roots to grab ahold of when you’re crawling through a storm are when you discover the remarkable mercies of life. 

But I don’t want to fool anyone into believing that cancer hasn’t been an insane struggle. This experience has left no box unchecked. Every single part of your psyche, spirituality, physical body and emotions gets a crash course overhaul. And just like the house that gets gutted and torn apart, the process is not pretty. It’s a horrifying mess instead. But who doesn't need a good remodel every now and then? There are so many attributes I’ve been dying to grab ahold of  for years, without much luck, so maybe now’s my chance. I’ve always wanted to be more nurturing, more thoughtful, more confident, more compassionate, more aware, and more grounded. Thanks to cancer and her wrecking ball for clearing the path for just about every one of those areas! Seven full swings. One more to go. BOOM! 

I should be as good as new after two weeks of radiation. Many people have given me props for my positive attitude. Thank you for that, but not everyone has the awesome set up I do. I would hate for my attitude to reflect how you think anyone needs to behave to have a better experience. If you find yourself in this dreaded situation, you need to give yourself grace to ride the emotional wave, you do not need extra pressure of being positive to make everyone else comfortable. 

In addition to the great set up I mentioned earlier, I have one of the most treatable cancers. I also happen to be an old pro with nausea and physical ailments. Pregnant much? And I promise you, even in my situation, words can't tell you how difficult this has been. If you would like to comfort someone going through cancer, I would not recommend telling them to have a positive attitude.

Try to realize that the thirty-thousand other feelings blasting through them simultaneously need to be considered, validated, and processed most of all. When I was in the emergency room with sharp pains in my kidney after I was first diagnosed, a younger medical staff told me, “It really is all about attitude. You just have to have a positive outlook.” I recognized this as a well meaning effort to usher the elephant out of the room, so what I couldn't respond with was, "How does that make this all better? How does that make me not die? How does that comfort my children who may loose their Mom? And look over here at my husband who is standing in the lonely street hoping the lights won’t go out." Sometimes we fail to realize that when we want to comfort a person in mass distress, we need to allow them to feel however they are feeling at the time, and leave our discomfort out of the conversation.

You don't have to understand it, you don't have to make it better. You simply need to be there. Your presence alone offers the best thing during this dark time; hope. You could express how much faith you have in them, how much you love them. You could say something as simple as, “Wow, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling," and that would be absolutely perfect. And true. Because the invisible-to-the-eye wrecking ball crashing through the other person at unrelenting strength and speed cannot be understood unless you have gone through it. And besides, we are all in a different space and a different state of mind when bad news decides to come knocking. Sometimes we're on our game and sometimes we're not. I say we forgive ourselves and others, and just aim to accept what is, and move through it as best we can. 

I'm all about blue skies and rainbows, bring it on. But there is necessity and beauty in allowing yourself and others to thoroughly move through painful experiences, however they need to, with honesty and integrity. Because then, the sunshine of life will become all the more spectacular.

Love,

Rachel Adell

True Story

“Poised-ish” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

Sometimes my story is hard for people to believe. Attempting to quickly explain is kin to a laffy taffy tongue tied merry go round.

I’ll go ahead an apologize up front for the landmines that come with no further explanation. As I grow and develop my online presence, and eventually maybe write a book (?) I promise, you’ll get all the fun juicy, and complete tid bits.

When writing journals, poetry, singing, creating songs, and developing spiritual practice through all of this, I’ve fortunately been able to rearrange my pain and lift myself out of some droopy dark places. Finding ways to release pain and express your heart is essential to feeling light and capable. My passion for keeping the arts alive in society is personal. Art and music quite literally saved my life.

Here goes…

I'm a cancer surviving, singer songwriter, producer, founder of Candid Crush Records, LLC, mother of three, and have lived in five states and five countries.

I was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest in the United States, with my parents and two sisters. When I was seven years old, I found out that my parents were getting a divorce, my father was taking my little sister with him, and he was not my real father. I lived alone with my mother for nine years. We did struggle in a lot of ways, but she made some life changes that really helped things heal and move forward.

My mother thoughtfully kept my biological father out of my life. We finally connected over the phone when I was nineteen. Though things did not transition into a heart warming cozy father/daughter relationship, one of our most interesting connections is that he also writes songs and plays guitar.

I was atheist/agnostic and despised religion my entire upbringing. That is, until I heard a quote from a holocaust victim in history class. The message of pure faith pierced my heart, and I was changed forever. After that, instead of disregarding people of faith, I decided to learn everything I could about every religion. My purpose wasn't to become affiliated, my intention was to learn what millions of other people were participating in around the world. As a result, my perspective was blown wide open. What I learned taught me to question my own thoughts and explore my prejudices. Listening to and absorbing what other people believe, became my new passion. Islam, Confucianism, and Hinduism were some of my most beautiful surprises. I saved Christianity for last. So many interesting long stories to come.

“Waking” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

My husband and I knew of each other in middle school, then officially met as juniors in high school. All thanks to our school counselor, who assigned us to lead a presentation together at a retreat. After a ten hour conversation, we both knew we had met our future spouse. We dated for eight months and remained friends for five years after we broke up. The truth is, we never lost feelings for each other. After our feelings were finally confessed again, we decided to get hitched. Though we have an adorable origin story, marriage was not always breezy for us. Both of us having dynamic, passionate personalities, made it challenging to meet in the middle. We were got a seapration at year twelve. Luckily marriage counseling helped us see some wild things about ourselve, that we never would have been able to figure out on our own. Happy to say we’re still plugging along, some twenty odd years later.

“Moon dance” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

Pregnancy was not fun. In addition to throwing up eight times a day on average, I had a near death experience with each child. At eight months gestation with my first, I accidentally drank etching cream. Fortunately I made myself throw up otherwise I would have died of cardiac arrest that very day. Being home for a few days after my second was born, I began to hemorrhage. The doctor said I would lose my uterus or my life that night if the medication she prescribed didn't work. The medication didn't work. Instead of calling her back, I asked for a priesthood blessing. Only then did the bleeding finally start to slow. With my third, it was during labor that some scary things happened, and I may need to save the details for another day, because well, I almost died in labor, and it was because of over care. However, worse than that was the postpartum depression that I did not get with my first two. (This is more common than you realize, so please watch for the signs in your loved ones up to a year after baby is born. Hormones dips are no joke, I was genuinely contemplating ending things).

These experiences, along with my 2014 Hodgkins Lymphoma diagnosis, brought me to my knees. Sometimes you make superficial choices to impress yourself, until life decides to knock your face to the ground. I needed three near death experiences to realize how much of my time was being spent on meaningless shenanigans. What I learned is that nothing means anything except your people. Your family. The big people, the small people, the neighbours, whoever it is. I'm telling you; the rest of it disappears into outer space when you are faced with your own death.

“Hold On” | Still from music video | Australia

The most important highlight of my life has been turning my tumultuous childhood into something beautiful. Into art, but mostly…my very own family. A family the way I wanted to build a family. Things haven’t turned out exactly as I imagined, but I could not be more content and fulfilled with the children I have raised and the man I married. We have created the most outlandish memories together, and I will cherish and hold them dear forever.

We started raising our son in Oregon, moved to LA, had our daughter, lived there for about eight years, then started moving all over the globe for the next 10 years (Australia, Nashville, British Columbia, Quebec, India, and London to name a few). We also gained a foster son for three years in Canada which was lovely.

“Angel Baby” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

During that precious time raising kids, I released one album, wrote two more (coming soon), and worked on a few singles with other artists around the world. There have been awards here and there for songs, writing, poetry. I’ve been lucky enough to have had the opportunity to perform on some incredible stages, including Nashville’s Blue Bird Cafe.

As you follow along in my story, you will also discover that I don’t create for fame, glitz, or glamour. Creating was a form of survival for me as a child, and has simply grown into a way of life.

The grueling pain this life has given me was so many deep dark tunnels of crawling and crying. But thank goodness for the healing that comes through dreaming, expressing, and creating. Creating is a spiritual practice that has the power to change things, change you, change perspectives. Move on lighter and more settled.

I firmly believe that each person has a deep well of pain that is just longing to explode into something haunting and beautiful.

*What do you dream of? What have you ignored or left unexpressed? Did you bottle it up? Do you have nagging feelings to make something? Is it time for you to get it out?

*Leave me a comment letting me know. Look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for the time you took to read this far, you must be a true gem to set aside this kind of pause in your life, away from the fast pace world.

Happy to sit with you.

Love,

Rachel

“Dreaming” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell